He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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