SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
