Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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