So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
