I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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