I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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