Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
