Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
