I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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