seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
