so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
