the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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