I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize