The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
