I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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