i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
