remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize