Pappa wants mamma naked
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
