Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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