Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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