there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
