im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have aggressive nipples.
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When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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