i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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