stop calling my apartment porn island.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
