I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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