This is not my ceiling
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
