Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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