Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
