I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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