i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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