I wish you could order shots online.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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