he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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