Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
