my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
