Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this just has baby written all over it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
