Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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