So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
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and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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