it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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