Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
