im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
