He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
