come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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