chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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