the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He did a backflip because drugs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
