I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
