I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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