Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
