I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
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There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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