I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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