I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
