I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
