Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
