i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
