Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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