I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't deserve a penis
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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