yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
