Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
