Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
